Monthly Archives: May 2013

The Power of Prayer

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When it comes to prayer I can say first hand that i know it works.  I have lived on both sides of the fence when it comes to this subject.  I grew up in church and knew the lord growing up.. at least i thought i did.  Once i got into i think 10th grade i took a ride on the wild side and always felt God behind me and he was always on my mind while i was doing things i shouldn’t.  I know now that it was my mother’s prayers that kept that covering over me.  Did she spend many nights wondering where i was, if i would make it home alive, YES.. many nights on her knees asking God to keep me protected.  Was it as fun for her as it was for me? no.. LOL i used to wonder why she didn’t say more to me about my decisions.  But now that i am a mother of a 21 & 18 yr old, i now know that she was talking to God.  She was telling him everything and letting me deal with my consequences.  I am grateful for that .. i learned a lot the hard way.   I am a LITTLE stubborn and at a certain point in your child’s life you have to turn them over to the Lord.  like never before… Like REALLY never before…

We as parents want to write our children’s destiny.. but we have to get the strength and faith to give them to God and let him right their destiny and testimony.

My oldest daughter (21)and her husband (23) just moved to Austrailia… so this is a fresh subject for me… It’s the hardest thing, knowing that i can’t just drive to check on them.. and be there for them…

Something that helped me is the story of Joseph.  He was thrown in a pit, sold etc… many years of hard lessons and bad things happen to him.. but God had a plan.. and used it all for his glory.  Joseph had the heart to sustain it all.  When i worry about my daughters and son in laws i have to remember that story… they are writing their testimony every day… and i look back at my past and see just how God can use even someone like me after all that I did… my kids will be just fine.. Will we go through hard times? will i loose sleep worrying about them? YES.. will we cry together? yes Will we get upset at each other?yes.. Is god protecting, talking and guiding them yes?  are they following him ??? that’s where our faith comes in… Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. we see the things our kids are doing that show they are leaning away from god.. but my faith has to see them years from now serving God in every way they can… if i choose to dwell in the now.. the earthly stuff. i will let satan steal my happiness… FAITH..

Speaking of a mothers prayers and the power of prayer… My husband grew up in a very loving christian home.. but found himself in the heavy metal music and sitting in a pentagram in the middle of his room telling satan that he could have him if he would just take away the pain… room decorated with all kinds of satanic stuff…  but little did he know at the time .. his precious mother was on the other side of the door praying over him with her hand on the door… He is a awesome man of God and a youth pastor…. so don’t give up when it comes to your prayers…..

oh yeah.. and the sooner you start praying for your children and or situation the better.. i didn’t realize that i should have been praying for my daughters future husbands while they were in diapers… and their jobs, friends, schools. etc… there is life or death in the tongue… 🙂  It was when i almost really really lost it with my teenage daughters that i realized… pray better things into her life.. after starting this she met a very sweet young man… which is now her husband… 🙂 it worked… i tell him all the time .. i prayed you into this…LOL

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Laughter … great article i found

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Laughter is the Best Medicine

The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter

Humor & Laughter: Health Benefits & Online Sources

Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protect you from the damaging effects of stress. Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use

click on the link below for the rest of the article..

 

http://www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm

 

Mommy Stress

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mommy stress

 

 

 

Mommy Stress: Finding Peace in Your Parenting Journey

Lysa TerKeurst

one of our listeners listened to this teaching by Lysa and these are her notes..

 

70% of mothers admit to struggling with motherhood and the other 30% aren’t telling the truth.  It is the toughest job you will ever love.  Moms have the thought that they are messing up their kids.  Personal struggles that you have in parenting (eg: losing temper, not being consistent, etc.) bring them to God.

 

-Let the consequences scream so I don’t have to (sounds great in theory).

 

Best advice when you mess up: Ask God for forgiveness, apologize, and move on!

 

You might have had a bad moment, but you’re NOT a bad mom!

 

“Sometimes we moms build the stability of our identity on the fragile choices of our children.” – Lysa TerKeurst

Have to realize that the mistakes/choices our children make are not tied to their or our identity.  When our child makes the fragile choice that turns into a mistake does not mean we are a bad mom.  We as moms wrap so much of our identity up in our children.

 

How our husbands can help us be better moms:

1) Give your wife the freedom to not just be a mom, but to be the woman that God created them to be. She is so much more than a mom.

2) Tell her she is beautiful and doing a great job! Love on her like crazy!!!

 

We all have gaps and imperfections in our lives and sometimes we just focus on the gap.  Don’t focus on the 1 out of a 100 things that you have done wrong or label yourself for your mistakes.  When we do have those BIG gaps that we can’t do anything about (like being a single mom and trying to be a mom and dad, or suffering from depression) we have to not see it as a label.  Depending on the severity of the gap seek help, pray that God can help to fill in the gap for us daily.

 

Moms worry.  Know that God loves our children more than we love our children and He will take care of them.  Psalm 139 we are told that every day was written in a book of life and He knows the number of days assigned to each of our children and our worrying cannot change the quantity, but our worrying can change the quality.  So knowing this we should release our children into Gods hands.

 

Let God whisper into your heart and ask us to be courageous enough to let Him write our children’s destiny and testimony.  We as moms want to write this, but it is not up to us.

 

 

 

 

 

Living In A Step Family by Focus on the Family

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Living in a Stepfamily

Teens with a stepmom or stepdad will learn how to manage the emotions surrounding a new stepfamily and how to adjust to having a stepparent and stepsiblings.

Think about it: Jesus was raised by a stepdad. Certainly the circumstances surrounding His birth were — well — extraordinary. Being conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin certainly places His “stepfamily” situation in a category of its own. Yet, when you stop to think about it, the God of the universe allowed His one and only Son to be raised by someone who wasn’t His “biological” father.

My point: You are not alone.

As a matter of fact, most of the major characters of the Old Testament were raised in homes with parent and stepparent combinations. Some of these came about when a parent married following the death of his or her first mate, but most occurred when their father married more than one woman. In today’s society a person is divorced or widowed between each marriage; back then, the father married multiple wives and had children by each. Still, while the circumstances of your parents’ marriage differs somewhat, my guess is that you and the biblical characters of old share some of the same confusing emotions and dilemmas.

Consider, for example, Ishmael, who was born to Abraham’s maidservant Hagar. How must he have felt when he mocked his new younger half-brother Isaac (Genesis 21:8-11)? Why would he do such a thing? I wonder if he felt left out now that Isaac, the “promised child,” was getting all the attention. I also wonder how it felt to have his stepmother, Sarah, try to cut him off from his father when she declared to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son [Ishmael], for that slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac” (Genesis 21:10).

How would you have felt?

Or maybe you can relate to Joseph, who eventually became a great leader and saved the Hebrew people from a terrible famine, but whose childhood was anything but idyllic. He was hated by his stepbrothers, who resented his favored-child status. They disdained the way their father treated their mothers compared to Joseph’s mother — his favorite. Before his brothers cast Joseph into a well and sold him into slavery, can you imagine how they looked at him at dinnertime or how he felt when they mumbled things about him behind his back? Can you imagine how he felt when all contact with his family was cut off and all he had were memories of his father and mother?

Maybe you can.

Life in a Blender

You see, life in a blended family — it may sometimes feel like life in a blender — can be tough and confusing. But let’s not forget that it can be fantastic, rewarding and a blessing too. Talk about a roller coaster — how do you deal with that?

I worked as a counselor with Rachel and her family three years after her father’s sudden death. She will never forget what seemed like an ordinary Saturday — ordinary, that is, until a sudden heart attack killed her father. Everything changed. At the age of 16, Rachel’s world came to a halt.

A few years later, Rachel came back to counseling. “I don’t know why I’m here,” she said. “My mom and brother tell me I’m irritable and a pain to live with right now, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t figure it out.”

It only took us about 10 minutes to get to the bottom of it. Her mother, after a period of grieving, had begun to date again. Rachel felt, among other things, two distinct things: hope and sadness — at the same time. She felt hope because she and her mother had begun to laugh again. The man her mother was dating, Larry, was a healthy Christian man who was enjoyable to be around. Rachel couldn’t deny that Larry had made her mother feel good again. It was nice to see her smile. Even more, Rachel felt happy around Larry and found herself laughing again, too. She had gone for so long without being able to enjoy life, and now there was hope again.

But that was the problem.

You see, being with Larry awakened the pain of missing her father. It felt as though moving on with Larry as a family meant burying Dad all over again — and that brought back a profound sense of sadness she didn’t know what to do with.

So there she sat in my office wondering how not to be a pain to others, especially those she loved, and how to make sense of her confusing emotions. Maybe you’re confused too. In fact, maybe you feel a little creamed by the blender these days. If so, let’s talk about the emotions and common dilemmas that come with life in a blender.

Confusing Blender Emotions

Emotions are neither right nor wrong; they just are. However, what we do with our emotions matters a great deal. For example, James, the half-brother of Jesus, admonishes each of us to be “slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:19-20). It’s not anger itself that is sinful; it’s what we do with it that can become destructive.

Confusing emotions can lead to sinful and hurtful behavior, in part because we aren’t sure what to make of them. Understanding what you feel and why you feel it is important to making healthy and wise choices. There are, of course, many emotions you may feel. Let’s talk about what I call “The Big Five” for teens in a blender:

  • loss
  • sadness
  • fear
  • guilt
  • confusion

Loss and sadness. If you live in a stepfamily, you’ve experienced many losses. If a parent died, you must wrestle with moving ahead through life without him or her. If your parents divorced, you’ve lost a unified, connected family. Your identity has been torn in two, and frequently you may feel stuck in the middle, never quite able to fully enjoy either household. And no matter whether death or divorce has occurred, you may have lost confidence that God is watching out for you. “Otherwise,” you might ask, “why did He allow this to happen to me?” (That’s a good question, but unfortunately we don’t have space to answer it here.)

Loss hurts. It makes you realize how fragile life can be and brings a profound sense of sadness. Expressing that sadness isn’t always easy, either. Especially when you’re trying not to remind others of their sadness or you don’t want to make a parent feel guilty for the hurts of the past. If you’re not careful, you end up stuffing your sadness deeper and deeper until, of course, it spews up and out in the form of disrespect, disobedience or a lousy attitude.

But there’s more, as you already know. The loss of the past is not all there is. Your parent’s new marriage brings loss, too. You may have to share your room with a stepsibling, change the way you celebrate Christmas, endure more fights between your biological parents, change schools, make new friends and share a parent with another adult and his children (whom you didn’t ask for, thank you very much). No doubt, the new marriage brings a significant amount of loss. And loss makes you sad. Again.

Fear. Anytime we experience loss, it makes us fearful of more loss. John, age 17, knows what this feels like. Two years into his mom’s remarriage he could still say, “I’m afraid of getting close to anyone. I’m not very trusting. With all I’ve had to live through, I keep waiting for it to happen all over again; the constant blaming and getting stuck in the middle. And I won’t let it happen again.”

And then there was 14-year-old Randy, their younger brother: “I try to get closer sometimes, but then the fear happens, and I hide out from doing things with Frank [his stepdad] and keep farther apart from him than I should. … I want to get close, but not too close, for fear of something that might happen in the future.”

The bottom line: Fear can prevent you from trusting again or allowing someone new, like a stepparent, into your heart. The only thing that seems to make sense when fear gets hold of you is to shut people out and withhold yourself from them. John did that by developing a tough exterior; his brother Randy pulled back and didn’t let himself get close to his stepdad. Perhaps he did so by criticizing his stepdad or spending extra time with his real dad. Either way, he was paralyzed by fear. But perhaps what’s worse is the way Susan tried to handle her fear: She denied it. She convinced herself that she wasn’t afraid. Therefore, she had no idea that fear led her to be angry and uncooperative with her stepfather and mother. She didn’t know how fear and sadness combined to push her toward a group of friends who did not share her Christian values.

Whatever you do, don’t deny your fear. Face it. Talk to God about it and a close friend or counselor. Fear doesn’t lead to righteousness. Take it to God and strive instead for trust. We’ll talk more about this later.

Guilt. “But I didn’t cause the divorce (or death). What do I have to feel guilty about?” Good question. Yet many teens I talk with say the very opposite. They do feel guilt — and lots of it.

For some it has to do with the past. The magical thinking of younger children sometimes leads them to make hasty conclusions about why something tragic has happened. Tracy believed she caused her parents’ divorce because she has ADHD. As an 8-year-old, she overheard them arguing just days before her father walked out about whether to medicate her, so she assumed that she caused the divorce. Of course, that wasn’t the case. Her parents’ inability to resolve conflict was part of the problem leading to their divorce. Now, at the age of 14, Tracy still struggles with a lingering sense of guilt about her parents’ divorce. Whenever they argue, she feels a tinge of guilt that won’t go away. Her father has since remarried, and Tracy has worked hard at not accepting her stepmother. Why? Because she hopes she can make up for causing the divorce by splitting up her dad and stepmom so that her biological parents can remarry. Pretty far-fetched, huh? Not to Tracy.

Juan’s guilt stems from the present. He frequently feels as though he has to choose between his mom and dad. Every time his dad invites him over on his mom’s visitation weekend, he finds himself in a tug-of-war, not wanting to make any choice because it would mean someone must “lose.” His parents have no idea how much he struggles with guilt over hurting one parent in favor of the other. It’s even gotten to the point that Juan feels guilty if he enjoys his time at a given household because he fears the other parent will find out and feel excluded. Acting depressed and grumpy seems to be the best alternative. That way, neither parent mistakenly believes he or she isn’t his favorite.

The bottom line: What Juan and Tracy both need to remember is that they really don’t have the power to fix their parents or their parents’ marriage. Tracy didn’t cause the divorce, and she doesn’t need to take responsibility to reconcile her parents now. And Juan isn’t in charge of making his parents feel good about themselves. That’s their job — to be responsible for themselves.

Give yourself permission to value, even love, the members of both households and release the burden of taking care of the adults in your life. Just be the person God has asked you to be, and you’ll find you can release unnecessary guilt.

Confusion. Have you ever felt happy and sad about your stepfamily, all at the same time? Perhaps you feel hopeful about a new family future and the good things that your stepfamily brings to your life, but you also regret that you couldn’t share it with both your parents (and siblings) as a unified family. If so, you’re not alone.

Michael was a precocious 5-year-old. Blurting out the following to his stepmother wasn’t out of character, but the truthfulness of his confusion did catch her off guard: “Can I love you when I’m here at Dad’s house … and hate you when I’m at my mom’s house?” No, he wasn’t being manipulative. He was expressing his confusion. At the ripe old age of 5, he had figured out that in order to take care of his mom, he needed to “hate” his stepmother. However, he really enjoyed her and wanted a loving relationship. He just couldn’t figure out how to love her and hate her all at the same time.

The bottom line: There are good things about your new family and bad things that, if it were up to you, you would change in a heartbeat. The first trick to working through confusing emotions is to give yourself permission to feel all of them at the same time. Being drawn toward a stepparent is real, but so is the fear that you’ll hurt your biological parent if he sees you hugging your stepparent. You can’t escape either emotion. Acknowledge these feelings and then make the choice to live with the situation and make the best of it. Accepting the reality of your situation doesn’t mean you approve of it or like it. You’re just finding a way to cope with it. And with God’s help, you can.

Coping With the Big Five

There are, of course, many other emotions that you might experience in your stepfamily, but those are some of the biggies. So what do you do about them? Whatever you do, don’t bury them. As I said earlier, these emotions will seep out one way or another; if you bury them they tend to find a way out through negative behavior. Instead, find a trusted friend, youth minister or counselor to process them with. You might talk with a parent about them, but that can be weird, especially when you’re talking about feeling stuck between your parents. Everyone just ends up feeling helpless, and you might feel more guilty that you made your parent feel bad for you. See how complicated this gets? Find someone neutral, preferably an adult who can just listen and help you make sense of this stuff.

Finally, ask God for the wisdom to handle your emotions better. If you are a child of God, then no matter how chaotic things are around you, God promises to offer wisdom as you mature through trials (see James 1:2-5). Attempt to respond to your situation with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). You’ll find yourself feeling better about what you contribute to your home.

Common Blender Dilemmas

Now that we’ve addressed how you feel, let’s talk about what you do when you find yourself in a dilemma. Teens in stepfamilies often experience a number of them. Let’s briefly address a few so you feel empowered to cope.

Accepting your stepparent. Most of the time when someone asks me, “Why should I accept my stepparent?” what she’s really asking is, “How can I love my stepparent when I don’t want to? I’ve already got two parents.” Well, here’s the secret: You don’t have to have loving feelings toward your stepparent, but you do have to love him. Just find a way to get along. You know, common courtesy. You already do that in many aspects of life, right? You find a way to get along with your coaches, band director and that little old lady who chaperones your youth retreats, don’t you? Well, at a minimum, take the same approach with your stepparent. No one is asking you to replace your dad with your stepdad; just look at him as another adult who is worthy of the same respect any adult is worthy to receive. That’s where you start. Some teens will grow beyond that to have a deep regard for their stepparent. If that’s you, great. But don’t feel pressured to.

“But, Ron, accepting my stepparent means my parents will never get back together again.” That’s your sadness talking. Remember, you don’t have the power to reconcile their marriage (as if hating your stepparent could make everything okay). Find your way to acceptance and you’ll find that you don’t feel as much confusion, sadness or anger. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Accepting authority from your stepparent. Derrick made life difficult for his stepmother. It was his way of letting her know that his loyalties lay with his mom. The only problem was that Derrick had to be a pain in the neck all the time, and he got tired of being everyone’s enemy. Rejecting a stepparent certainly has its downside.

“But my stepparent isn’t my parent.” You’re right. Your stepparent is not your parent. But neither is your track coach, your algebra teacher or your youth leader’s wife, yet you respect them enough to grant them some authority in your life. Apply this same standard to your stepparent and you’ll find it doesn’t have to be a competition of loyalty. Think of your stepparent as just another authority in your life; don’t make it any harder than that. When you respect his or her position as an “adult leader,” everyone will get along a little easier.

Finding truth when parental values conflict. Every home has different rules for bedtime and chores. But when one home believes strongly in a Christian worldview and the other doesn’t, life can get very complicated. So you have to find your own convictions even when they aren’t popular with one parent. Susan’s mom attended church occasionally and could tell you the right answers to most religious questions. But when she suggested that Susan lie to her teacher in order to escape punishment for a late assignment, Susan politely disagreed. “Mom, I just don’t think that’s the right thing to do. I appreciate your input, but I’m going to tell the truth, even if it means getting in trouble.” Wow! What courage that took. Susan’s mother called her a “Goody Two-shoes” and sent her to school. Susan’s Christ-centered convictions came at a price; yours might, too. Just remember that the God who sees in private will reward you (Matthew 6:4).

Understanding your parent’s commitment to his or her new spouse. “How can my mom love him more than us? Shouldn’t we come first?” Natasha’s question revealed her sadness on many levels. Her father had died six years before her mom’s remarriage. She, her two brothers and her mom survived that great loss together, but now Mom was deeply in love with Randy, and it felt again like Natasha was losing a parent. That familiar feeling of loss often makes children and teens battle for their parent’s loyalty. But you don’t have to. Marriage does mean having to share your parent, but it doesn’t mean losing him or her altogether.

God’s wisdom for families is that husbands and wives put a priority on their relationship so they can lead the family from a position of unity. After you were the focus of attention in a single-parent home for a few years, having your parent move his or her new spouse into a place of priority undoubtedly feels like another loss — and, in a sense, it is. But let me invite you to trust in God’s design. When your parent and stepparent bond, your family will experience stability. The result is a positive, loving environment for you and your siblings that actually allows you to have more of your parent, not less. In the beginning, their marriage may make you uneasy; trust that with time it will make you feel stability and love.

Finding God in the Blender’s Swirl

Although 17-year-old Ashleigh had an extremely critical stepfather, she still found a way to find God in the blender’s swirl. “I’m just not going to let my stepfather beat me down,” she said. “He is difficult to deal with, for sure. But I know God is still with me, and I’ve got to be the person God has called me to be no matter what.” Ashleigh reminds me a lot of Joseph of the Old Testament.

Can you imagine what he felt sitting in that cage after being sold into slavery by his stepbrothers? Lonely, afraid and lost, I would assume. And yet, Joseph continued to do what was right in the sight of God. He knew God was with him throughout his trials, and eventually God used him in a mighty way.

The multitude of transitions and losses in your life may, at times, make you feel lost and alone. Remember that God is with you each step and will be faithful through circumstances and will provide people to hold you up when you need it. Your family may not be exactly what you want, but with God’s help you still have the power to make it great.

Loving Out of Choice

After being sold into slavery, falsely accused of sexual misconduct, thrown into jail and forgotten, Joseph was eventually elevated to the second highest leader in Egypt. And when his brothers — the very ones who had rejected him out of jealousy and sabotaged his life — came to Egypt for help, Joseph showed them mercy and love. He could have made a list of his losses and taken revenge for each one of them, but instead he chose love (see Genesis 45:3-7).

Stepfamilies have taught me many things through the years. One of the most powerful is that we can choose love even when we didn’t ask for our circumstances. Joseph found a way, and you can too.

  • Look for ways to respect your stepparent.
  • Find ways to be considerate to those living in your house.
  • Strive to forgive others who themselves may be struggling to accept the family.
  • Find a measure of love to give to everyone. It might be loving respectfully as a “friend,” nurturing like an older “sister,” deeply like a “son” or at a distance like a “stepchild-in-law.” Whatever the case, love somehow. You won’t regret it.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations in this publication are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® NIV Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2007 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Originally titled “Life in a Blender: Living in a Stepfamily”

A Wife’s Role In The Home parts 1 & 2 continued by jenn…

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Talking about this subject is a hard one if Jesus is not the center of your life, your marriage, your job, your everything.  Before i submitted totally to god the word submission gave me the hiby-jeebies… and quickly angered me… the thought of submitting to things i wasn’t in control of… NO WAY NO HOW… once i felt the tugging from god at my heart on this subject i knew i had to do something.. that is when i started reading the bible.. i still wasnt able to understand it all at that time so i listened to a lot of teachings and talk on KAVX 91.9.  not all necessarily about marriage just about the godly life.. being a christian, what it meant to be a christian.. I would argue back with the speaker in my head when i didn’t agree to what they were telling me i would have to to or change.. remember i am a arguer… i question everything.. but once the speaker would speak a scripture backing his words up there was no argument anymore.. if it is in the bible it is just that.. is our life just like the bible times no.. are our husbands treating us like the bible says they should no… does that give us an excuse to be ugly ? NO… Once i got so tired of the arguing and the crazy circle lifestyle and heeded to god’s tug at my heart i desired a change.. now i know what you are thinking.. your husband or wife has to change… then you will change… NOPE>.. that is not how it works.. the change has to start within you.. then the rest should fall into place sooner or later… it is easy NO.. is it fun NOOO>. welll after a while it does get fun.. i don’t mean this in a nanny nanny boo boo way.. but once i was able to do what the bible said in any situation.. i was able to keep calm.. not fight and argue holler and cuss back.. once i saw that keeping calm was better for me , for my kids and keep me in right standing with god.. not to mention the guilt it puts on the other person for their own actions it did get easier and almost fun.. i saw myself changing for the good.. i saw myself putting god before me.. i was finally dying to self in a situation that i thought was never going to change… you can do it.. there are so  many scriptures and teaching and talks by acredible christian teachers that speak the truth and give you the encouragment you need.. i know i don’t spell things right and proper pronunciation in my blog but i love being able to share my testimony, heartache and victories with you.. i hope and pray that this helps at least one person… i am always willing to talk to anyone too.. pray with and for you … this is not an easy topic… JENN>> 🙂

The Wife’s Role In The Home part 1& 2 (from a listener) GREAT NOTES

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Jennifer,

I’m not sure if this is exactly what you wanted. I kind of went off on my own soapbox a little bit.   I hope this helps you. But, if it doesn’t I want you to know that you helped me by giving me this assignment.  I really got inspired to read my bible and know the bible. I learned a lot with this.   Thank You

The Wife’s Role in the home. Parts 1 and 2 by Tony Evans

 

I listened very diligently to these videos. Twice. Here is what Tony had to say.

“The role of the wife is to help the husband do his job well, no to replace him in the home.”

“The husbands role is to set an environment in the home of intimacy, create an environment of harmony, not a place of strife.”

He uses Proverbs 27:15 and Proverbs 21:9 to describe what it’s life for a man that chooses the wrong woman as a wife.

Like a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Proverbs 27:15

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9

Now let me insert my opinion here.  I do believe it is the wife’s job to help her husband do his job well just as he should help do her job well. She not replace him in the home. Okay he shouldn’t leave a window to be replaced in the home.

It is the husband’s job to create an environment of intimacy and harmony, not strife. Ok But why can’t the wife also strive to create this environment.

I don’t mean to contradict everything he says I do agree with a lot of stuff he says.

The wife is an indespensible part of the program.  Yes she is, just as the man is an indespinsible part of the program.

Genesis 2:18 says “And the Lord said, It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a help meet for him.”

I love this verse.  Because it is not putting the man above women, or women below them. God created women to be man’s helper. And let’s face it ladies. Most men need our help. They can’t function without us.. They know and we know it.

 

Tony refers to Proverbs 31 for much of the rest of part 1 and most of part 2 of the video.  He says this is the role of the Perfect wife that God created.

While a lot of what Tony had to say did resonate with I felt like a lot of it didn’t not. I felt like it was man’s opinion of what a wife should be according to the Bible. So, I of course being an independent woman of the 21st century want a woman’s opinion of what the Bible says a wife should be. So I done some research and I found Dorothy Patterson. She is a preacher’s wife in Arkansas but she also graduated from the New Orleans Theological Seminary in 1970.  Her perspective can be found at  http://bible.org/seriespage/high-calling-wife-and-mother-biblical-perspective. It is called The High Calling of Wife and Mother in Biblical Perspective.  Dorothy’s paper followed a lot of what Tony had to say to my surprise but it really put it into perspective for me.

She read every single book in the bible and said that in every book she found a word for her. She also said that that word was not always comforting; in fact, sometimes it was like a sword to my heart. That exactly the way I felt until I read her whole article.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shell cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24.

In order to have harmony in a marriage there is no other way but for the husband and wife to become one.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 1 Timothy 5:14

When I first read this verse I was appalled. Thinking so God thinks women are only good for bearing children and keeping house.  Then I read 1 Timothy 5:18 where in God said The Labourer is worthy of his reward.  You see he didn’t mean this to be a demeaning job the way most women see it nowadays. He meant it as a true JOB.  No we don’t get paid for it but it is worthwhile.

Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your hand,that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.  And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates. That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.  Deuteronomy 11:18-21

This is what He wants women to do. Teach their children his word and raise them to know and love and worship God.

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulteres God will Judge. Hebrews 13:4

Submitting yourselves one to another in fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:21-24

Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33

God wants us to be married not live in sin.  He wants the husband to be the head of the family and to love and protect and provide for his family while the life takes everything that he does and creates a good loving home for the husband and the children.

A noble wife is the crown of her husband, but the wife who acts shamefully is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4

Two people are better than one, because they can reap more benefits from their labor. Ecclesiastes 4:9

The heat of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12

And finally what does the wife and mother get out of this deal? What makes all of this worth it for her?  Why do all these things that God dictates and submit herself to her husband.  Because of this verse.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Proverbs 31:28.

 

Because a good wife. A good mother.  A wife that loves her husband and submits to his faults (believe me there are plenty in my husband. Haha) and cares for her children and raises them to know and love God and treat others with respect. Well.

Her price is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10.

 

 

 

 

Being Intentional

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Our topic for the day is being intentional in life. Being intentional in the lives of our kids, our lives and the lives of people around us.  I finally stopped by a nursing home today.. I was intentional in going to bless a lady by visiting her today.. i had put it off long enough.  I just walked in to the front desk and said i would like to visit a lady that you think would love a visit from a stranger today… They sent me to Mrs. Mary’s room.. it was awkward at first but she invited me into her room. I had taken In Touch magazines by Charles Stanley to give her once she seen them and we laughed because she already receives them…  I immediately noticed the ciuro cabinet filled with nick nacks and pictures from her life.. I had to hold back the tears.  She invited me to sit on the couch and we hit it off like we had known each other for years.  once we realized we could freely share our faith it was easy to talk to each other.  She has been a widow since 84, has a great church family that supports her and picks her up for church.  She lost her son to a car wreck some years back, has grandchildren that she prays for and loves to read her bible.  She visits another lady in the nursing facility and she reads a scripture a day to her.  She prays for the other ladys and invites them to church.  She reminded me of my mother.  She sits back quietly and notices everything around her, praying for all she see’s that might not be living for the lord.  Her spirit was so sweet.  God knew exactly who i needed to visit… her little apartment/room was cozy and full of memories.  she shared so many with me.  I pray that i am able to return on a regular basis and give her more joy in her stay here on this earth.  i believe God took  me being intentional in taking the time to bless someone else and let her bless me also.. I want to be happy and peaceful just like Mrs. Mary when i am almost 90.  Her love for the Lord was a blessing too.  She testified to his faithfulness and blessings through out her whole life.  Her parents were great parents.  I loved hearing the stories of how life was so simple back when she was little.  Being intentional back then was so much eaiser.  these days being intentional in the lives of our kids is usually a struggle.  we want the safe and happy but when we intentionally steer them in the right direction its an argument. Take time today to see how intentional you were and think of how you can make that better tomorrow.

If your are not a parent then you can still be intentional in all that you do so that others around you see and learn from your example.